Sunday, February 8, 2009

First Love

Hi Karthik !!! Hope you are doing great in your life and career and you did receive my mail in your smiles. Yeah! I mean it because i like when you smile . In fact it was your smile with which you met me when you were in 6th standard. Got me buddy?? Nah ???...... Me, your First Love. Anyways, I remember you, still, in spite of my hell called Life. Do you remember those days when you were deeply passionate and emotionally aroused about me and my looks?. I was your only dream and darling then. You spent almost 1 year just staring at me. You did impress me with your gross innocent attention and priority towards me. You were so desperate that nothing else could convince you to be happy other than me. I still remember those enthusiastic young looks. The way you managed to get me at any cost really impressed me. It was not that easy for you to get me. You overcame many hurdles and speed breakers with exuberance to have that ultimate hold on me.

Finally the day came. You won a big war at home to posses me. You got the way cleared. You just came near to me with certain emotional excitement. You had a instinctual glance over me from top to bottom as well as front and back. You were really elated with positive energy in your glittering eyes. It was for the first time you were so close to me and i was excited too. At last you touched my hand gently with warmth. It was still unbelievable for you. It took some seconds for you to realize that it is in reality indeed and not a dream. You were speechless and adjective less. From there started our beautiful journey, all over Mahabubnagar. We left no stone unturned to cover all the major hangouts, ice cream parlors, chat, movies, coffee joints, hillocks, parks, temples, lakes, exhibition, circus, cricket ground and what not. The times when you use to celebrate your hero Sachin's centuries and hum those Rahman's soothing tunes, still create a fragrance of your presence with me . You were so attached to me that you took at most care about me in every possible aspect. Did you remember the day when a thorn pricked my foot and the way you lifted and took me in your hands to get me healed. You use to surprise me with your decorative gifts, though i never insisted. I know they were just add-ons to show your care and love towards me. You were very expressive then. Neither the exams nor the cricket was able to take your attention away from me. The day still flashes in my mind on which you proudly introduced me to your friends with a pinch of exclusiveness and privilege. You were so obsessed and possessive about me that you even refused your friends and brother to have that privileged access to me. You were saturated in my love. I thanked god many times for blessing me with such a wonderful person in my mechanical life with whom i can feel myself. My world was filled with only one thing , You. I thought it was going well with you, forever. But after 4 years , fate conspired the bad phase.

It started when you went to Hyderabad for your Intermediate studies. You left me half-heartedly with a promise of returning soon. It was really a hell for me, but it strengthened our relationship. It got reflected when you came for your home sick holidays. You were excited by seeing me after such a gap. Your sweet hug gave me a sense of security but you seemed little bit matured and determined. I did sense some vibrations, not for me, but for EAMCET. I thought its OK , as career is an important and crucial part of life and of course i am your life. So, i was confident and optimistic about our relationship. In fact , i was happy for your aims and goals and i wish i could contribute my role to it. You went back to your studies. I was in waiting for you like a B.Techie for a software job. You came and went back in a hurry but didn't even bothered to notice me . I thought might be you were focused and concentrated on one thing you wanted. Anyways, by that time, our relationship was at horizon.

The day of Hell came at last. That shocking news still creates vibrations in me. Your brother told me that I am no more into your life and someone else had entered in your life by replacing me. And to my utter shock and surprise , you met her when you were in Hyderabad, and fell in love with her spectacular binding looks. I even heard that, you felt, your Second Love was gorgeous, splendid and was many times better than me in all aspects. It seemed that she was more convenient to your requirements and had got undivided attention from you. It was not a war, it was a battle you won, to get her. You broke the mirror of promises and love. At least, you could have told me what went wrong with me. Was your problem with me or with us or no problem at all.??. Might be i should understand that only uncertainty is certain. May be this is called as life and i have to move on. But i came to know that you were the happiest person in the Universe when you got her. You went for her because she was fast and cooperative as well as friendly enough, though she demands high maintenance you really never bothered about that. Whenever i use to hear that you were in vacation with her in a nearby picnic spot, i use to feel the pain of dejection and soon i was in the malady of depression which gradually effected my health. I know i am a bit conventional, slow and simple. I know very well that i really don't have that oomph factor and hot appeal which she has . But buddy......... what could i say and how could i express my agony and pain. The torture of being neglected was unbearable but i didn't had choice either.

I am not jealous about your love but i do miss you a bunch because no one can ever replace you for me, though, anything can replace me for you, easily. I was noticing every event happening in your life, wishing for your happiness and growth, but you really never bothered to ask at least whats happening with me. May be because you know better than me that Change is the Law of Nature and hence you just moved on with your requirements and priorities. Your college days were over and you were placed in a fancy corporate. May be your commercialized, materialistic and consumerist mindset want a new corporate girl too. Who knows?. You need a symbol for your numerical growth. I know i am a bit sarcastic but it came from my wounded and desperate heart. Not to my surprise, it happened one day, as i expected. Its your Third Love. Yeah, a new flashy corporate girl did enter your luxurious life in which you hesitate even to take my name in front of your new friends . All my sympathies to your second girl in your life. I neither can pronounce the adjectives with which your brother has described your new girl's features nor i am eligible even to talk about her. But somewhere i whole heartedly feel happy that you have reached great heights and i was part of it at least for some years if not for life time.

To be frank enough i am still desperate to have your cute smile and warm touch. You love me or You love me not, but i do love you . Now i am living with a only hope , somewhere in my wounded heart, that one fine day you will realize that i was once part of your life and try to spend at least few moments, if not hours, in my lap, at least as a childhood friend , if not as my love. Because I do always cherish the moments of being your First Love. Hmmm....... Keep rocking the way you are heading in your paced life. Have smiles and fun with your objectiveness love life .Finally, though i know that one shouldn't ask for love, care and concern from others, i am desperate in asking you to meet me this February 14 out of your busy lofty celebrations, not because its a Valentine's Day, but its my Birthday, may be my last Birthday, who knows?. If it is not possible for you, at least try to search for me in your childhood database for those tender moments you had spent with me. Anyways, do take care dear . Miss u a bunch, forever, and ever. Truly yours, your childhood pal, in everlasting waiting ............
By the way, do you remember my name? No?.........Anyways , my name is
Hero Ranger........your bicycle and First Love.