If I were a baby again.

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 4; the fourth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Searching. This word may remind us Google or a job search . But, for Karthik it differs, impacts, deviates and do matters a lot in many ways. In fact , searching is an essential part of his life, though he doesn't know the spelling yet. May be its a compulsive compulsion for him. Anyways, coming to his life, Karthik has got a best friend, and of course, only friend, namely Saketh. Both, Saketh and Karthik stay together, eat together, play together and sleep together, may be, because both live in the same orphanage, in the same room, by the grace of destiny. Karthik enjoys saketh's company a lot. Karthik feels himself in saketh's presence. He feels gifted and he always thanks god for having Saketh in his life.They have similar interests and passions. They both love cricket and grown up idolising Sachin. They encourage each other and love each other a lot. Incidentally, both share their birthdays on the same day, April 24. They cant imagine life without each other. Karthik loves Saketh more than himself. Coming to Saketh, most of the times he remains silent in deep thoughts which makes Karthik to raise the doubt, " What does Saketh think always???". This question keeps on haunting Karthik , and unknowingly , he feels insecure too. Many a times Karthik asked saketh . "What do u always think , Saketh?", but Saketh never answered and instead he still remained silent. Sometimes, Saketh's silence makes Karthik scared, irritated, annoyed and frustrated .

Gradually, Karthik is habituated to saketh's silence . But,Karthik use to convince himself by guessing what Saketh thinks always, by questions like ........  What makes Saketh to go into silent thinking? ....... Does Saketh miss the essence of his mother? .......... Does Saketh think how his mother looks like? .......... Does Saketh try to visualize his mother's looks, smile and attire? ......... Does Saketh miss those warm hugs, lovely kisses, love laps, tender spoon feeds, affectionate looks and caring pats. ? ............ Does Saketh try to imagine how cheerfully his birthday could have been celebrated if his mom is with him? ..... Does Saketh get the doubt whether his mom is alive or not? ....... Does Saketh miss those mischievous and childish acts which can be cherished only by his mom.?........ Does Saketh miss the fun and frolic of being with his mom, always? ......... Does Saketh try to question why his mom left him in a dustbin? .......... Does Saketh think that his mom left him because he is weak and having ugly looks? ......... Does Saketh think, like, "Will my mom ever come back"? .......... Does Saketh feel lonely though he is not alone ? .......... Does Saketh miss his father?.......... Does Saketh miss his brothers and sisters ? ......... Does Saketh miss the golden privilege and exclusiveness of being pampered by his mom? ......... Does Saketh miss those cute, sweet adjectives his mom could have used to describe him? ......... Does Saketh miss the pride feeling of his mom for having him as her son? .......... Does Saketh think whether his mom also feels the same way , somewhere in the world? ............ Does Saketh want to shout and cry for the treatment he gets from the so called civilized society? ............... Does Saketh want freedom from the pain of dejection and isolation? .............. Does Saketh really get these questions? and finally , does Saketh feel that i have too many questions to ask? ..... and so on.

Karthik, though he is much young for his age to analyse other's thoughts, gets these questions almost everyday, whenever he observes saketh's pensive silence. It is not a surprise because whatever the questions he has imagined and asked are actually his questions and his feelings about his mom, and not saketh's. He always lives with that anxiety and enthusiasm whether Saketh too gets such similar thoughts and questions, because Saketh is also an orphan like him .In fact, Karthik expects from saketh to ask him those questions . Karthik wants to share everything about his questions with Saketh. Karthik is very eager and desperate to get listened by his best friend, Saketh. Karthik feels that they both has got good rapport and understanding. Karthik wants to cry whole heartedly to relieve his emotional pain of missing his mom, by hugging his best friend. Though, they have similar wavelengths, frequencies, backgrounds and being best friends, Karthik feels helpless and frustrated, because he knows very well that though Saketh can listen , he wont respond to his feelings and emotions. Its not because Saketh is a silent boy, but, for the reason that Saketh cannot speak. In fact , he never spoke to Karthik till now , and forever he wont, because Saketh don't have life in him. To put it simple,  Saketh is just Karthik's childhood doll donated by some good hearted person on his 3rd birthday. Though he can speak whatever he wants to, with his doll , he feels more painful when he don't get responses from saketh when he is ventilating out his precious, valuable and deeply felt emotional outburst of his life. He is not blaming the doll, nor his mom and nor the society. But, his tiny, tender, little, young, blossoming heart cant bear such emotional volcano for more time. All he has got is compulsive patience and he can, and he will, wait for the right person who can really listen to get his feelings exactly in the right way. He don't have solutions, he has got Questions , more Questions and only Questions.  He is not talking about responsibilities , he wants empathetic natural stimulus. He don't have a choice right now.  Karthik needs compassion , not sympathy. I think being an orphan he is expecting more from this wicked society. This world needs him only to make movies like slumdog millionaire or writing some stories, articles and blogs ..... Sometimes I feel there are only good questions, no good answers. In fact, if he is given a chance to become a baby again, he just wants someone to listen to his Questions. Probably he may get more questions if someone starts listening.  Anyways, till then Karthik , along with his best friend Saketh, will be in his unavoidable, regular and compulsive process of compulsive Searching .....

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